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Obama related to Brad Pitt, is Reptilian

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

During an intimate press conference held at 4:00 this morning, presidential candidate Barak Obama admitted to being related to Brad Pitt. He also confessed that he and many of the powerful figures in Washington DC are in fact shape-shifting reptilian aliens from the Draco system bent on the domination of the human race.

According to researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society, Barack Obama in a distant cousin of Brad Pitt, star of hit films such as Ocean’s Thirteen and Fight Club.

When asked about the possibility of a wedding between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Obama offered no new information, saying only that he knows they are happy together and Jolie is an excellent vessel for the continuation of the Illuminati bloodlines.

“Change shape?” Obama said when asked about Reptilian abilities. “Yes, we can.”

According to Obama, he, along with most members of Congress, 75% of White House officials including the President and Vice President, 7 out of 9 Supreme Court judges and every single lobbyist, is a seven foot tall creature with green scaly skin and the ability to control the minds of human beings. When asked to reveal his true visage, Obama refused, claiming he pull to much time in creating such a charming holographic illusion to simply throw it away. However, very few are related to Brad Pitt.

“In light of the rising popularity of journalists such as Alex Jones, David Icke and Alan Watt, it simply does not make sense for me to continue hiding my true nature. And I hope, with your help, I can become the first, openly Reptilian President of the united States,” Obama said.

When asked if he felt that this revelation would hurt his chances for the Presidency, Obama expects the connection to Pitt to only increase his standing with young people. As for the Reptilian confession, Obama pointed out that both Hilary Clinton and John McCain, his two main rivals, are both Reptilians and don’t bother hiding it most of the time.

Brad Pitt’s next film, Burn After Reading, will be released in September 2008.

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Dating in the Conspiracy World: Did I date a reptilian?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

In this delightful thread from the David Icke forum, a member wonders if his ex-girlfriend was in fact a reptilian. After all, she liked dragons, reacted strangely to his expressions of love and was strong. Oh, and she’s into rough sex.

If conspiracy theories are allegedly a means of finding a scapegoat for whatever one’s personal demons are, it’s about time reptilians are applied to the dating scene!

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Review: Everything Is Under Control by Robert Anton Wilson

Friday, March 21, 2008

Co-author of the cult classic Illuminatus! Trilogy and counterculture superstar Robert Anton Wilson is a foremost expert on conspiracy culture and altered consciousness, and yet he seems to be largely ignored by the conspiracy world. Why? Because Bob saw just how funny it all is.

Everything is Under Control: Conspiracies, Cults and Cover-Ups is Robert Anton’s Wilson’s encyclopedic (but don’t call it an encyclopedia) catalog of aliens, secret societies, strange religions and all other sorts of weirdness. Written with Bob’s funny, insightful and irreverent wit, this book is one of the few A-Z compendiums one can read from beginning to end. Of course, simply opening the book randomly and following the twisting paths of cross-refernces in a whole lot of fun as well.

Unfortunately, the hardcore conspiracy geeks out there will not get much satisfaction from this book. Not only does Bob not do very in-depth into the hundreds of conspiracies listed in this book, but he also has a bad habit of pointing out just how silly most of them are. On the other hands, this is essential reading for fans of the Illuminatus! Trilogy and weirdness in general. With entries ranging from witnesses of the JFK assassination, evil dwarfs from the hollow earth, the P2 conspiracy, Discordian and Subgenius dogma and much more, this book belongs on the bookshelf of anyone who needs more oddity in their lives.

Wilson may not go into incredible detail, but his wit and brilliance makes this book a real pleasure to read. I cannot recommend this book enough, unless of course you do believe every conspiracy theory you read.

Buy a copy of Everything is Under Control from Amazon.

As an added bonus, he is the late, great Robert Anton Wilson being interviewed on the book:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8789989561433328024

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The Occult Experience: surprisingly good 1970s documentary on magic

Thursday, March 20, 2008

In this 1970s documentary, the Occult Experience, the film makers visit several different occult groups ranging from the Satanism to shamanism. Along the way the film makers stop by a pentecostal Christian church and films several exorcisms in progress. Ironically, in light of the pagan groups, the Christians come across just as occult, using glossolalia to achieve higher consciousness and rituals to remove unfavorable aspect of themselves (i.e. demons). Also interesting is the incredibly redundant list of occult practices given before an exorcism, as if they just made a list of all the “magical” words they could think of.

For conspiracy fans, this film includes an interview with US Intelligence officer and Satanist, Michael Aquino, leader of the Temple of Set. Geeks in general will dig the inclusion of H.R. Giger, the designer of the monster from the Alien films.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7944695466357169426

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